My Story 11: Aftermath of war and second tour to Japan

My Story 11: Aftermath of war and second tour to Japan

The battle of DaChen ended with retreat. Our ship returned to Taiwan on February 10, 1955 to naval base in Port Keelung. The tension, turmoil, and yet excitement in wartime turned into a routine normalcy, boring and dull. The war which had always occupied our lives for more than a year was taken away and what left was vast emptiness. My superior, Tang,  indulged in writing his novels, and I, apart from doing my work which was light, spent most time in watching movies, chatting with friends, listening local singer singing pops, or touring around places within a day's trip. Still I felt not be able to  fill the sudden desolation. The numbness and helplessness that was formed at the war time was still firm in my heart. According to my analysis at the time:

"...the reason is that the life in front and in the rear can't be coordinated.  Everyone in combat seems to be out of the real world, and their thoughts and emotions are incompatible with the life in the rear. Having been baptized by war made us used to violence which was regarded to be normal and the day-to-day life became unreal. When you think of the enemy taking you as a live target, sinking of your ship in the midst of fire, smoke, and waves, and your friends struggling in the cold water by his sinking ship, how can you eat, drink, chat, dance, watch movies, listen to pop songs, and, after all,  go on your life as nothing is happening. People regard our behavior in abandoning ourselves to all kinds of debauchery and excess as too realistic but we feel that the world does not understand us...."(quote from my diary)

Although away from the threat of war, but the mental state to the crisis had not been lifted, the days of this period seemed like a dream, yet so real, and the heart was full of uncertainty.

In Keelung our ship docked on Pier 6. On June 3, I was on my way back to the boat after watching the late show "Gone with the Wind" with a friend. After parted with him, I was hungry and went to a small tea house near the pier that also sold wine and cold dishes. I order a cold dish of meats and suddenly felt the urge to have a drink. I had not been a drinker since my childhood and even in some occasions I had to for some friendly pressure such as in a farewell party specially for me, I just seeped a little. My face then always turned hot red and my friends would stopped pressuring me further. I ordered a glass of rice wine. After I finished the dish, there remained half of cup wine, so I ordered another dish. After I finished the wine, the dish had some stuff left, so I ordered another cup. It cycled several times, eventually I warned myself that enough was enough. I paid the bill, stood up and walked outside. I sensed my steps were not steady. The ground was moving under my feet that made me feel like on a ship in a choppy sea. There was a electrical pole in front of me, I tried to hold it to steady myself. But no matter how I tried, I could not reach it. It  evaded me. Thus it came to me  that I  was drunk. Pier 6 was crowded and my ship was

docked by another ship which was 8 ships away from the pier. A plank, with or without railing,  connected between the ships. If I went back to my ship under that condition there was a possibility falling off the plank in between the ships. I needed rest before I went on board. Pier 6 was for unloading coal, there were hundreds of small hills of coal, 10 to 20 feet high. I

leaned on one of them to wait myself to come around and quickly dropped off. A whiff of morning breeze woke me up. I saw the full moon, hanging on the west sky of the harbor entrance,  shedding silvery light to glittering water. The air was cool and refreshing. I patted the ground around, it was solid. I moved my limbs and body and found them still belong to me. I felt my heart, it was calm and searched my mind and it was clear. I was sober and I found myself again in an instant. That was a magical moment. I realized that life had to go on,  a new day was waiting for me¸ and a future spreading before me.  I sensed my stability strengthened, my courage regained, and I consciously dared to face work, face life, face the future. I rose, steadily and carefully, step by step , walked back to my ship.

From recent (November 8, 2018) Thousand Oaks Bar and Grill shooting, I learned there is a mental illness called Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Looking back it seems I had some symptoms of it and I am glad I broke out of it. 

The ship was docked for overhaul which was long overdue because of the incessant mission in Tachen. The officers and men were busy repairing the boiler room engines, scaling the rust off the deck and body, scraping the barnacles off hull bottom, and they were all exhausted. Political works, such as political classes, group meetings, teaching sessions, and birthday parties, were considered to be non essential and were temporarily put on hold. I had always felt that military career was not what I want. The situation reinforced me of the determination to leave. Some of my friends who served in other units were doing enviously great, as I recorded in my diary, "They were like dragons flying in the sky, and I was like a worm still struggling in the mud". That feeling added more necessity, certainty, and urgency for seeking my future by other routes.

Information came that some academy friends had taken and passed the civil service examination which originally only the college graduates to be qualified to join. As a benefit to veterans, educational authorities had approved that the graduates from military academies to be treated as the same as college graduates in that respect. Although the test was a qualification test, not an appointment one, I still felt that was an opportunity and determined to participate. Once the road map set and the direction fixed, I devoted all my time, energy, and resources to it. To study for the test I needed lots of books. I bought the necessary materials by selling my record player and even beloved accordion which I bought in Japan. I delved into the books with zeal. My new enthusiasm was noticed by my superior, Mr. Tang, who, in despite writing novels which was not exactly work related, disliked my studying books rather than my playing bridge, watching movie, and even chatting away the time. Since I had so much spare time and there was not much work to do, I disregarded him and kept doing my own things.

In retrospect, it is interesting that history repeated itself. More than ten years later as I was serving in the Consulate General of New York, I decided to quit the Foreign Service and prepare myself for  new jobs. I applied and was accepted by the Department of Applied Mathematics of NYU for a M.sc. degree which required lots of academic work. As a legal officer in the Consulate, my job was passive which depended on the number of applicants. They were not many so normally there was quite a lot of idling time. I then availed myself of the time to study instead of chatting and gossiping it away with colleagues. Somebody must have reported to Foreign Ministry. One day the Deputy Foreign Minister came to our office for job inspection. In his talk he mentioned the matter without giving my name and showed his disapproval. Although he was a few in the Ministry whom I respected, because I had already determined to leave, so I just ignored him and continued what I was doing. You might remember that during that period mom often took you to friends' home on weekends and Sundays because a fellow student, who graduated from Taiwan University, would come to our home to do our assigned work together and we needed a quiet un-disturbing environment.

From here I want to digress a little bit further. You might presume I was forced to study the applied mathematics in consideration of the possibility of jobs. Actually it was not. I had been always interested in technology and science. I liked to build things because it gave me a sense of achievement. The urge to build things was in my gene. My father was an amateur carpenter. If he was not bound by the land as a farmer, I have no doubt he would surely choose carpentry as his profession. He had a complete set of tools and liked to make things in winter time when he did not have to work in the field. When I went to Nanchang trying to enter a college, my first choice was science and engineering. The Political Sciences I eventually entered in Taiwan was not my choice. It was by regulation because I was a political officer. As I applied to the authority to get the permit to go to college, the Ministry of Defense did not give me any option.  There was not much opportunity to manifest my inner desire in the military and college. As soon as I was back from England and had a home, amid the office work during the day and four nights teaching in two colleges, I still managed some time, mostly on Saturdays and Sundays, to enter a vocational school to learn electronics. I was graduated by designing and building a 5 tubes radio which sounded clear and crispy, a lot better than those on the market. Before I came to the US, I sold it for NT$600 which was a high price because average monthly salary of a government employee was around NT$800 - $1000. As we were in Honolulu, I still kept pursuing it as my hobby. I remember Evelyn once grabbed my hot soldering gun and burned her hand. In New York, my interest upgraded to repair and build TVs. I even bought an expensive oscilloscope for it. It is interesting that my brother also inherited our father's inclination. In a letter he mentioned an incident which happened during the Cultural Revolution period. He build a bucket for a friend and was accused of "treading the capitalist road". He was beat up severely by the Red Guards until the friend came to rescue by telling them my brother did not receive any money for it.

Back to the main thread, though I devoted in studying for the purpose of joining the Civil Service Exam, my heart still longed for entering college. The unfulfilled wish was also my grandfather's life time dream which was to send his beloved grandson to the higher educational institute at any expense. Before I parted with him, his last words to me were to complete my study if possible. Thus it became a burden in my mind which I talked to a friend who worked in Navy Headquarters. One day he sent me a note to inform me of a good news he just heard. The Ministry of Defense, in order to improve military personnel's knowledge to modernize the military,  was preparing a proposal to let qualified officers to further their studies in colleges. I was excited. The next day, I went to him to authenticate the information and to get details. He assured me that the process was definitely started and it would start next year. Thus I immediately changed the course, threw away all the materials for the exam for civil services, bought the text books with related references using by the best high schools in Taipei, and devoted whole heart and soul into preparing the college entrance test.

Our ship had been under repair for several months in Naval Shipyard, due to either technology deficiency or equipment inadequacy, we had to bring her to American military base in Sasebo of Japan to finish the job. The journey started on August 17 with a little breeze over a rippling sea, but it soon calmed down and condensed into a enormous mirror, vast and edgeless. Next day I saw a huge group of dolphins, thousands of them, following our boat, jumping out of water playing all kinds of acrobatics and stunts. The scene was really spectacular which was the only time I witnessed in my life.   

The ship entered Sasebo Port on the 20th. The city located in Kyushu, Japan, far from the heartland of Japan. The ruins from the destruction of war,  looking decaying and falling,  was still waiting for rebuilding.  The US military commander of the base was prejudiced against us and said: "The rotten army of Chiang Kai-shek is coming."  We had to present the roster of officers and sailors to the regional headquarter. When he saw the job title of "political officers", he satirically made fun of it, saying something like "you have to depend on spies to maintain discipline." What the superior did, his subordinate did it exceedingly. So nearly all the personnel we had to deal with were arrogant and rude. We stayed there for three months. During the period, our activity was limited in our ship in the base, nobody dared to use any facility like we did in Yakosuka where we could go to PX to buy things or went to hospital for treatment of sickness. Our experience there should add another chapter to the best seller "The Ugly American" in military version.

The quartermaster, Lin, a Taiwanese who spoke Japanese fluently, was the liaison with the local community outside the base. We were close friends, so close that, when we were in Taiwan, he introduced me to his family and invited me to his parents' home several times. I still remember his home made sashimi is still the best, include

the same dish offered by the well known Japanese Restaurant Nobu in Beverly Hills. Because he was responsible for supplies, he had a free pass to go on shore any time. Every time he went, he wanted me to go with him. We soon stroke up a relationship with a tea house that also sold groceries and food stuffs. It became our supply station and foot hold. It also was our information joint where we learned that the Japanese threw away the internal organs when the butcher slaughtered pigs. We got them by practically nothing and they were delicacies by preparing and cooking them the right way and the ship mates were all very happy about it. The store owner had three daughters who always helped us to get stuff which they did not sell. Sometimes they also play guides to tour the city. Their friendliness and helpfulness made our stay in the city colorful and enjoyable.

The ship initiated a trip to Nagasaki on September 11th, and we were responsible for planning, scheduling,  and organizing transportation, food, drinks, and other things. The focus of the trip was the newly opened Nagasaki Peace Park where the atomic bomb exploded 10 years ago. The area flattened by the bomb had been rebuilt as a park in which a huge statute sat at the hypocenter, with one hand pointing to the sky where the bomb dropped. We also visited the nearby  Atomic Bomb Museum. The most gruesome and shocking item in display was a burned out human hand with its bones encased in a chunk  of melted glass because while the bomb exploded, the person was cleaning a window. We also visited the residence of the legendary Madame Butterfly and the landing spot of American Admiral Matthew C. Perry who was the first Westerner to visit Japan in 1812 to make Japan opened the door to the Western civilization.

The sisters of the teahouse suggested for a sightseeing tour to the nearby Kujuku Islands (九十九島). I took a special leave on September 25th, the day before departure, to go there alone.  Small islands dotted in a tranquil sea which looked like a vast, endless lake. Some of them were reefs that protruded out of the water where jungles of lush greenery grew. Some were only a cluster of dense trees no land to be seen. I had been in the navy for a few years and had seen a lot of islands, big or small, but had never seen so many, such dense island groups clustered together. The intricate islet formations were like heavenly maid scattered flowers ( 天女散花) into the sea absentmindedly, so magnificent, yet so picturesque that offered an unparalleled scenic seascape view. Comparing the most visited scenery spot in the metropolitan in Tokyo-Yokohama area, Enoshima, Ninety-nine islands are quiet, more natural, and breathtakingly beautiful. It was also a striking contrast to desolate and barren Dachen Islands where I spent my last two years. There were very few tourists and only about ten people rode on our excursion boat. As I was young, my sense was sharper and feeling was more acute. I took in all the wonderful panorama and materially feel the beauty of nature. It imprinted in my heart and the aftertaste came back frequently to soothe me whenever I recollected the marvelous one day trip.　

The next day we started our three day journey back to Taiwan. On the way we stopped over for one day at a very small Island near Southern Taiwan  on Bashi Channel between Philippines and Taiwan. It was called Green Island ( 綠島) but formerly it was called "The Burning Island". The island had been a mysterious place because, except some aborigines who were the original residents, until the 1980s, nobody was allowed to visit. The population there were mostly political prisoners with some long-term criminal convicts and the wardens, guards, as well as administrative staff. There were lots of horrible stories like what Soviet writer Alexander Sorenitsin described in his Gulag Archipelago, but what I saw was a beautiful island surrounded by the sea. The prisoners were not shut up but worked in the fields and were free. We stopped there because the Navy Headquarters had something to talk to the commander of the guards in the island probably, it was said, about the patrol around the island. I was surprised that the captain picked me to go with him. As we got on the shore, I understood suddenly because the officers waiting us at the beach all were my academy friends.  They were there mostly worked on re-education programs. We were given a hearty dinner with fresh vegetables from the garden and seafood from the sea, stayed until 9PM.

The ship returned to the Navy base, Zuoying, on September 30. Then the order came that I had been transferred.

My three year eventful time in the ship of Yunshun started by going to Japan and ended by returning from Japan.